Scientists Concerned Earth’s Magnetic Poles About to Flip: Scientists say the Earth’s magnetic poles appear to be ready to flip for the first time in 780,000 years, which could allow in lethal levels of radiation and cause a cascading mass blackout of the power grid - ultimately rendering areas of the planet…Continue
Elon Musk Sold 10,000 Flamethrowers Through His Boring Co Website: In addition to his electric cars, trucks, his boring company and space ventures, Elon Musk has now launched an actual functional flamethrower for consumers, of which he claims to have already sold 10,000 of the $500 weapons. Now I get just as annoyed as anyone else when those Jehovah’s Witnesses come banging on my door peddling their Watchtower magazine - but isn’t this idea just a wee…Continue
Man Killed After Being Sucked Into MRI Machine: Mumbai police have confirmed that a 32-year-old man has died after being “sucked” into an MRI machine by a giant magnet. Wow, that really sucks! On a positive note, the MRI results are back - and he appeared to have been in excellent health!…Continue
Added by Johnny Robish on January 29, 2018 at 9:50pm — No Comments
Ikea Founder Ingvar Kamprad Dead at Age 91: Ingvar Kamprad, who transformed a small local furniture business in the 1940s to the massive global brand Ikea, has died at age 91. When the funeral home delivered his casket, I guess it came as no surprise to anyone that “some assembly was required.”…Continue
Tomi Lahren Accuses Liberals of Brainwashing Teens into Eating Tide Pods: Fox News conservative Tomi Lahren is angry about the recent trend among teens filming themselves eating Tide Pods - and she’s putting the blame directly on liberals, whom she claims are have destroyed the American family. One a positive note, a liberal spokesperson maintains that the Tide detergent in the pods being used to destroy the American family are actually a “low-suds…Continue
Trumps Wanted Guggenheim to Loan the White House a van Gogh: The Washington Post is reporting that President Trump and First Lady Melania asked the Guggenheim Museum to loan them a van Gogh painting for the White House residence, but the Guggenheim declined - offering them a solid gold toilet called “America” instead.…Continue
Man Gets Prison Smuggling King Cobras In Potato Chip Canisters: A Los Angeles man has been sentenced to prison for smuggling highly venomous king cobras into the country inside potato chip canisters via the mail. Now of course, health officials have always warned about eating snacks like potato chips, but geez - this really takes it all to a whole new level. …Continue
Saudi Arabia Camel Beauty Pageant Disqualifies 12 Animals for Botox: Newsweek is reporting that a Botox scandal is gripping Saudi Arabia’s camel beauty pageant, with a dozen contestants already disqualified amid suspicion that their lips had been surgically enhanced by Botox injections.
Trump Repeats Indian Prime Minister Comments With Fake Accent: The Washington Post reports that President Donald Trump used a fake accent to impersonate Indian Prime Minister Modi’s comments to him. Yea, well - if you think that impersonation was bad, you should check out Trump’s impersonation of a US president. The irony is that Modi's grasp of the English language is probably much better than Trump’s will ever be. …Continue
Vitamins Claim to be 100% Vegetarian Capsules: Just reading the label on some vitamins I recently bought and noticed that they claim the package contains 180 “vegetarian” capsules. OK, I'll take them at their word for that - but my question is, just who the hell's gonna try and stick meat in a vitamin?…Continue
Our Sun is Losing Mass and Its Grip on Our Solar System: A team of researchers at MIT has confirmed that as our sun gets older, it is losing mass - which makes its gravitational pull weaker and the orbit of our planets expand. Sooooo, the all planet’s orbits are expanding? I though 2017 seemed like one hell of a long year!…Continue
Trump Demands Babies Not Be Born After Nine Months: President Trump confused more than a few loyal followers recently while delivering a speech at an anti-abortion rally when he declared “right now, in a number of states, the laws allow a baby to be born from his or her mother’s womb in the ninth month. It is wrong and it has to…Continue
Giant Potentially Hazardous Asteroid About to Whiz By Earth: An asteroid between 1600 and 4000 feet across is due to slip past Earth in early February, but NASA says there's no chance it will make impact as it will pass 2.6 million miles away. One thing’s for sure, even if this thing were about to strike Earth, nobody in Hawaii would ever believe it. …Continue
Trendy Tide Pod Challenge Puts Teens in Danger: A new, potentially lethal viral trend called the “Tide Pod Challenge” has sweeping through social media, which has teens filming themselves swallowing the Tide laundry detergent pods and then challenging others to do the same.Continue
White House Doctor Gives Trump Clean Bill of Health: To nearly everyone’s astonishment, Donald Trump’s White House physician Dr. Ronny Jackson has given the 6’3” and 239 pound President a clean bill of health. Really? He’s claiming this hugely obese man is in great health? I suppose next, he’ll be telling us that Trump’s not fat, he’s just “big-boned.” Now come on - everyone (including his biggest supporters) know deep down inside that Trump is…Continue
Hawaii Emergency Management Employee Reassigned: The Hawaii emergency management employee who set off a statewide panic on Saturday morning by sending out a false alarm about an incoming ballistic missile has been temporarily reassigned. Emergency management officials are reassuring the public that everything is back under control and that the employee has been reassigned - to the tsunami emergency alert division.…Continue
Employee Accidentally Sets Off Missile Alert in Hawaii: A bogus emergency missile alert that was accidentally set off and sent out to everyone in Hawaii - has been determined to have been caused by an employee who mistakenly pushed the wrong button.
Gee, an employee accidentally set off the…Continue
President Trump in Excellent Health After Physical: President Trump's White House physician Dr. Ronny Jackson, has declared him in “excellent health” after the president received his first medical checkup at Walter Reed military hospital.
Personally, I can’t think of a more disgusting job…Continue
Trump Lawyer Arranged $130K Hush Money to Keep Porn Star Quiet: The Wall Street Journal is reporting that a lawyer for Donald Trump arranged a $130,000 payment to former porn star Stormy Daniels one month before the 2016 election in an effort to keep her silent about an alleged sexual encounter with the future…Continue
Trump Doesn’t Want Immigrants from $hithole Countries: According to two sources, President Donald Trump questioned why the United States would want to have immigrants from “$hithole countries” like Haiti, El Salvador and African nations, adding that “we should have more people from places like Norway.” …Continue