All Blog Posts Tagged 'Humor' (990)

Annual Turkey Pardon Ceremony Held at White House

Annual Turkey Pardon Ceremony Held at White House:  In the annual Presidential ceremony at the White House, President Trump has pardoned a Thanksgiving turkey they’ve named “Drumstick."

The following day, the President angrily…

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Added by Johnny Robish on November 22, 2017 at 9:28pm — 2 Comments

Man to Launch Himself in Homemade Rocket to Prove Earth Flat

Man to Launch Himself in Homemade Rocket to Prove Earth Flat:  Seeking to prove that a conspiracy of astronauts fabricated the shape of the Earth, a California man intends to prove the Earth is flat by launching himself 1,800 feet into the air at 500 miles per hour in a homemade, steam-powered rocket he built out of scrap metal.  So, to prove the Earth is flat, he’s gonna go “splat!”  I’m guessing he must have missed the last solar eclipse.  And he’ll be…

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Added by Johnny Robish on November 21, 2017 at 9:53pm — 1 Comment

Moon Landing Truthers Say Photo is Proof of Faked Apollo Landing

Moon Landing Truthers Say Photo is Proof of Faked Apollo Landing:  Moon landing truthers - who have been claiming for years that the NASA moon landings are fake and actually filmed on a Hollywood soundstage and not the Moon - have been in a state of total excitation of late,…

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Added by Johnny Robish on November 20, 2017 at 10:21pm — 11 Comments

Ohio Judge Who Boasted About Sex Conquests Apologizes

Ohio Judge Who Boasted About Sex Conquests Apologizes:  Ohio gubernatorial candidate and sitting state Supreme Court Justice Bill O’Neill has issued an apology for boasting about having bedded 50 very attractive females, saying he was deeply sorry if he offended any of the “wonderful women” in his life.  He then went on to single out numbers 7, 19, 26 and 31 for special praise - about whose performance he described as “nothing short of…

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Added by Johnny Robish on November 19, 2017 at 10:39pm — 7 Comments

Televangelist Jim Bakker Demands Viewers Buy His Pancake Mix

Televangelist Jim Bakker Demands Viewers Buy His Pancake Mix:  Disgraced televangelist Jim Bakker warned viewers that their grandchildren could face eternal damnation and President Trump possibly be assassinated unless they send him $60 (plus shipping and handling) for a bucket of the pancake mix which he is selling.  All I can say is, let this serve as a warning to all of you who think you can just eat at IHOP once in a while and still save your souls - the…

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Added by Johnny Robish on November 18, 2017 at 10:56pm — 9 Comments

Believers Gather at First Ever Flat-Earth Conference

Believers Gather at First Ever Flat-Earth Conference:  The first-ever Flat Earth International Conference, aimed at disputing the idea that the world is round, has just wrapped up in North Carolina.  Gee, I was gonna attend, but I never got “around” to it.  OK, I really didn’t go because I was flat-broke.  Besides, what on Earth do they hope to accomplish anyway?  Don’t they know there’s nothing new under the sun?  Personally, I think a lot of guys just go to…

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Added by Johnny Robish on November 17, 2017 at 9:28pm — 11 Comments

American Heart Association President Suffers Heart Attack

American Heart Association President Suffers Heart Attack:  The president of the American Heart Association, cardiologist Dr. John Warner, is reportedly resting comfortably after suffering a minor heart attack during the organization's scientific conference taking place in Anaheim, California.  Fortunately for him, when the call went out “is there a doctor in the house?” - everyone in the entire room raised their hands.…

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Added by Johnny Robish on November 16, 2017 at 10:20pm — 4 Comments

"TAKE A GANDER AT THIS LAME DUCK"!

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Added by marilyn sands on November 16, 2017 at 8:00am — 5 Comments

Leonardo da Vinci Painting Sells for Record $450 Million

Leonardo da Vinci Painting Sells for Record $450 Million:  A painting of Christ by the Renaissance master Leonardo da Vinci, has sold at auction for a record $450 million, obliterating previous records for artworks sold at auction or privately.  Wow, that’s one hell of a lot of money - especially when you consider Christ didn’t even pose for it.…

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Added by Johnny Robish on November 15, 2017 at 10:01pm — 11 Comments

Limbaugh Says Moore Was a Democrat When He Targeted Teen Girls

Limbaugh Says Moore Was a Democrat When He Targeted Teen Girls:  Rush Limbaugh has added a new twist to those Republicans defending evangelical Alabama US Senate candidate Roy Moore, telling viewers that Moore was actually a Democrat during the period of time when he allegedly…

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Added by Johnny Robish on November 14, 2017 at 9:09pm — 18 Comments

Alabama Mall Banned Roy Moore in the ’80s for Pursuing Teens

Alabama Mall Banned Roy Moore in the ’80s for Pursuing Teens:  Former mall employees and local police have told the New Yorker that Alabama Republican Senate nominee Roy Moore was banned from a mall in the early 1980s for repeatedly attempting to pick up teenage girls.  In response, talk show host and Moore defender Sean Hannity told his listeners that while Moore may have been trying to pick up underage girls, at least he wasn’t trying to arrange…

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Added by Johnny Robish on November 13, 2017 at 10:39pm — 27 Comments

Roger Goodell Wants $50M and Private Jet Use for Life

Roger Goodell Wants $50M and Private Jet Use for Life:  NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell is reportedly demanding a salary increase from $30 million to $50 million a year, lifetime use of a private jet and lifetime health insurance for him and his family in contract renegotiation talks.  Gee, you can’t afford health insurance on a $50 million a year salary?…

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Added by Johnny Robish on November 12, 2017 at 10:35pm — 10 Comments

Cretaceous Era Frilled Shark Found Swimming Off Coast of Portugal

Cretaceous Era Frilled Shark Found Swimming Off Coast of Portugal:  A prehistoric, dinosaur-era shark with really bizarre-looking teeth - usually found at ocean depths as deep as 4200 ft - and of which scientists say has remained basically unchanged for the past 80 million years,…

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Added by Johnny Robish on November 11, 2017 at 10:20pm — 15 Comments

Bodyguard Says Russian Offered to Send Trump Five Women

Bodyguard Says Russian Offered to Send Trump Five Women:  President Trump's former bodyguard Keith Schiller told Congressional investigators that a Russian involved in the 2013 Miss Universe pageant, offered to send five girls to Trump's hotel room.  Somebody probably told Schiller that if you allow those women to come up to Trump’s room, it’ll mean urine trouble. …

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Added by Johnny Robish on November 10, 2017 at 9:00pm — 45 Comments

Facebook Asking for Users Nude Pics to Combat Revenge Porn

Facebook Asking for Users Nude Pics to Combat Revenge Porn:  In an attempt to to prevent “revenge porn,” Facebook is starting a pilot program and asking users to volunteer nude pics of themselves to an algorithm to combat revenge porn - but the company admits that those nudes will be viewed by a human at the company first.  So, let me get this straight.  Pictures - which I would never want posted on the internet - I’m supposed to send them in to the biggest…

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Added by Johnny Robish on November 8, 2017 at 9:47pm — 5 Comments

The Tortoise and the Hair



There are many ways to view the tortured marriage of inconvenience between Mitch McConnell and Donald Trump. One way is as a metaphor for the classic Aesop's fable about a race between a tortoise and a hare.…

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Added by Tom Cordle on November 8, 2017 at 11:23am — 22 Comments

Trump Bodyguard Frequently Sent on McDonald’s Runs

Trump Bodyguard Frequently Sent on McDonald’s Runs:  Because the White House kitchen staff often couldn’t match the satisfaction of a quarter-pounder with cheese (no pickles, extra ketchup) and a fried apple pie, Trump bodyguard Keith Schiller was frequently dispatched to head down to the New York Avenue McDonald’s on a stealth fast food run.  So, he has the best chefs in the navy at his disposal - ready to prepare anything he wants 24/7 - and he still…

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Added by Johnny Robish on November 7, 2017 at 10:31pm — 15 Comments

Woman Sues Sephora Claiming Lipstick Sample Gave Her Herpes

Woman Sues Sephora Claiming Lipstick Sample Gave Her Herpes:  A Sephora customer is claiming to have sampled a “common use” tube of lipstick on display at the makeup mecca’s Hollywood location and which resulted in an oral herpes diagnoses.  First of all, who in their right mind would use a “common use” lipstick from a place called “Sephora?”  I mean, if you ask me - “Sephora” sounds more like the name of a disease than a cosmetics store.  “Where’d you catch…

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Added by Johnny Robish on November 6, 2017 at 10:00pm — 4 Comments

Many Have Reservations About iPhone X Face-Mapping

Many Have Reservations About iPhone X Face-Mapping:  With the new iPhone X out and selling like crazy, many are still expressing reservations about the phone’s face-mapping capabilities as an invasion of privacy.  No kidding!  My new iPhone X not only mapped my face, but also followed up with a few snarky suggestions about cosmetic procedures I might wanna think about.…

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Added by Johnny Robish on November 5, 2017 at 10:04pm — 2 Comments

Trump Mocked by Hawaiians Holding Welcome to Kenya Signs

Trump Mocked by Hawaiians Holding Welcome to Kenya Signs:  President Trump found himself greeted by protesters sporting mocking signs that read "Welcome to Kenya" when he touched down in Hawaii on the first leg of his Asia-Pacific tour.  President Trump was there to meet with the President of Hawaii and to let their people know that they are surrounded by a very big ocean.…

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Added by Johnny Robish on November 4, 2017 at 7:46pm — 14 Comments

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Alabama, Moving the Needle

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Waiting For the Other Shoe To Drop

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