About two and a half weeks before Kristina died, I went back to Carlsbad to see my friends from treatment and make my own peace with the loss of a dear friend. It was something I just needed to do so I could try to move on.
When I landed and finally got my rental car, I immediately went to pick up one of the girls who is back in treatment. We were so excited to see each other it was a little ridiculous. As I've said, these girls are my sisters and I hadn't seen her since March. We…Continue
As of yesterday, I have been in recovery for nine months. That's nine months without a laxative, something I thought I'd never be able to do. Daily life still brings more and more challenges and hurt to make me wonder why I am fighting.
This summer has been so unbelievably hard. First, I've had my own struggles with restricting food when something goes wrong. Second, there was…Continue
I woke up on Tuesday feeling pretty good. I had actually slept well the night before - a cause for celebration these days. I went down to my neighbor's to chat and he was on a conference call so I went back upstairs to discover I had pulled the ultimate bonehead move - I was locked out. God, that's a shitty feeling, isn't it? I went down and called the building engineer who (because I'm a bonehead) did not have a current key and was not able to break in. Luckily, I did have my debit card on…Continue
There are days I feel I can take this disease on and make it my bitch. Then there are the days I am so fucking tired of fighting I just want to give up. Not eat. Take laxatives. Screw therapy. Don't answer that phone or respond to a text. Cancel plans. Sleep all day. Fuck this!
I didn't sleep well last night. I was up and down, tossed and turned and tortured by…Continue